A year ago today you told me you loved me, then you broke me

December 19, 2014

Is it strange that you feel like home to me? That I wanted to hold your hand so badly when we were walking side by side and our hands brushed shyly. That when I spoke to you, my eyes were meeting with yours and I swear it was giving each other life. I don’t know where this is going, I can’t tell how strong these feelings will grow and develop. I do know that you will not promise me to feel the same way, and I know that there are others who certainly catch your eye but I hope that one day, this friendship will continue to grow. I hope that one day, you’d be able to let me know what keeps you up at night and how you take your tea. I wish that you’d be able to call me when you’re bored or you take a picture of something random that made you think of me. I want to know who you became friends with when you were nine hours away from me. I’d like to know you better because when we’re together you are my home.

January 3, 2015

I love being with you and I don’t know if it’s because it feels like I’m returning to something that I’ve been missing for years but that can’t be possible since our friendship only began to bloom this year. It’s the feeling of being carefree and comfortable in your presence. It’s the feeling of laughing either hysterically at something you said, or laughing quietly because I love you. It’s the feeling of being relaxed that my heart is content being around you. It’s the feeling of wanting to spend the day with you doing absolutely nothing at all but still having a grand time. It’s the feeling of so badly wanting to hold your hand while we’re walking side by side. it’s the feeling of our late night conversations on the phone. It’s the feeling of growing fond of you each day. It’s the feeling of returning to someone so similar and memorizing your scent and your smile.

January 29, 2015

I don’t know how to possibly explain this feeling but I think I’m getting addicted to it more and more each time when we’re together.

February 15, 2015

I love it when you hug me unexpectedly from behind and I love it when your hands find mine in the process. I love that when we talk I swear it’s as if everything around us has become a blur and it’s only us that’s vivid, or as Taylor Swift would say, “The rest of the world was black and white and we were in screaming colour”. I love it when it’s late at night and you still attempt to sing me a song when I’m half asleep. I love that when you’d joke around with me you brush my thighs when you’re driving. I love it that you speak to me in words and you somehow make me speak to you in feelings. I love that when we’re hugging we end up slow dancing like we’re on the dance floor. I love that you make me smile and happy. I love it when you laugh. I love it that you make me feel so comfortable.

March 15, 2015

A whole 180 occurred and I don’t know why. Did I push you away for being so close? But why did it seem like you were alright with me being in your comfort zone? Why did you call me late at night and wake me early the next day for my shift at the hospital? Why did you say that you would never leave me? Why did you hold my hand and kiss it? Why did you do all these things and then say that I was clingy? I didn’t always start our conversations; you put in just as much effort as I had. It was a reciprocal friendship, I swear it was. But then you go around telling people that it was me contacting you all the time. You go around acting like this was nothing to you but it felt like the world to me. I had to continue my life pretending that you didn’t affect me and my feelings. I picked up the pieces that you shattered and put them back all by myself as I watched you be happy with someone else. You broke down my walls, while breaking me in the process.

September 4, 2015

I look at you but you don’t feel like home to me anymore.

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