It took me three years to talk about you and our relationship, and here’s what I have to say

You were the perfect boyfriend, but not the one for me. Now don’t get me wrong but you were incredibly good to me. You never got angry when I was stubborn, you gave me anything and everything I had asked for in a heartbeat. You showered me with affection without hesitation and gave me outpouring love that you were just getting used to. You introduced me to your friends and talked to your mother about me. I bonded with your sisters each time I came over and your coworkers loved me. You gave me both the sun and the moon, when I only asked for one. You kissed me like you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. You wanted me for forever, and that scared me because I didn’t know what I wanted. During that time of my life, I was the most lost I’ve ever been. You were claiming my heart, which was never yours to begin with because I was in love with a boy who never loved me back and here you come along, hopelessly devoted to loving me. You got so close to my soul and I couldn’t take it. My walls didn’t want to break for you so I broke you. I needed to get away from your innocent self, I needed to hurt you the way I was, and so I did.

Nothing can take back what I said to you that night. That was the most disrespectful act I have ever done, and I don’t wish it upon anyone. I wish that I can do it over in another way that didn’t end up hurting you the way it did. I’m still sorry to this day, and when I see you around I feel much guilt of what I did when I was nineteen. You didn’t deserve me hurting you; you never deserved me to begin with. I shouldn’t have been the one to kiss you. I shouldn’t have been the one to meet your parents. I shouldn’t have been the one to have dinner with your friends. I shouldn’t have been the one to hold your hand. I shouldn’t have been the one that you thought you loved. You didn’t deserve me to occupy your heart. I never deserved you for giving me all the stars in the night’s sky. We never deserved each other but you wanted us to have our own love story.

Years have passed and I have seen that you are happier, I guess it’s safe to say that we’re both in a much happier place. I am so in love with a man who I want to kiss all the time, anytime and anywhere. You are in a relationship with a beautiful woman who adores and deserves the love that you have to give. This was all in God’s plan, His plan to give us each other to teach us different lessons. I can’t speak for you, but I know that He brought you into my life to realize that I never needed someone else to replace the empty feeling in my heart; I only needed to love myself first. Now that I have bathed in self love, I am surrounded by an aura of love for my boyfriend.

I think about you now because you taught me how much I was lacking on self love, and also how to spoil someone with love and vice versa. I am now giving him the millions stars in the night sky. I am now showering him with kisses. I am now bringing him to family dinners. I am now letting him hang out with my friends. I am now telling my coworkers stories about how his smile and eyes get me every single time. I am now doing all that I can for him because when you know this person is the one, you want to do all things that are manly possible for them. I’m not embarrassed or afraid of what this love will evolve to, instead I am ready for what it has to offer. If this is the love that you felt for me, then I have a new respect for you. Thank you for loving me the way you did and for teaching me to love, even when I never loved you.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s